Shoulda
by attjjddc42
Summary: song fic a sparring session gone wrong warning character death


**Disclaimer: i dont own, stargate atlantis or any of the characters or Hinder's Shoulda**

_Before I hung up all I could hear_

_Was the dial tone ring in my ear_

Wow , had I really screwed up this time. I tried calling her over the radio after our sparring session. "Teyla, this is Sheppard, please come in." All I could hear was static.

_If I could go back in time _

_I'd say those three words_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

We were sparring, like normal, off and on for two years. It was a little after we got back from a mission. She was circling me, I could see her thinking of her next move, when she started up that fateful conversation.

"The woman of the village, I believe Jasmine was her name, seemed to be very taken in by you."

It was a simple enough comment but because I'm me I had to say some smart butt remark back. "Yeah, she was totally into me. What's it to you?"

That's when she started to get aggressive. Her attacks came faster and stronger. I was having trouble fending her off. We were both breathing hard. She knocked my sticks away, hit me behind the knees, and I fell on my back. I was staring up at her, and she was staring back at me, before I could do anything she spoke, "What's it to me? It breaks my heart a little more each time I see you with someone new. I Love You." With that said she rushed put of the room.

_All this can't be saved if you can't be found_

_You hung up and left me for dead on the ground_

_You didn't even say goodbye_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

I knew I had to do something, but by the time my shock wore off she could have been anywhere. She left me just lying there on the gym floor. She didn't say anything after her confession. She just ran out. That's when I started calling her on the radio. I knew I should have said it back or at least said something, instead of just staring up at her like a brain dead fish.

_Now that your gone I'm wasting away_

_The life has been siphoned right out of my veins_

I ran to the control room hoping I could get Elizabeth to radio her. After several failed attempts we went to the sensors. We were to late she had already escaped into one of the areas where the sensors were down. As pathetic as it sounds I started to sulk, right there. After two days of her missing I felt like I was walking around dead. I just sorta haunted the halls of Atlantis, I couldn't concentrate on anything.

_If I could go back in time_

_I'd say those three words_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

I've read old SG-1 files, I know that you can go back in time but that wasn't possible for me now. But how I wish it was because I know I'd say it back, I shoulda from the start.

_And this cant be saved if you cant be found_

_You hung up and left me for dead on the ground_

_You didn't even say goodbye_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

It's going on five days. Even though she just left me in that gym and people keep trying to reassure me, I know in my gut that something has happened to her. Perhaps that's what had me staring at the map of the city trying to figure out where she would have gone. And the guilt of knowing I shoulda said it back.

_When you said those three words_

_I kinda freaked out_

_When you said them first my jaw hit the ground_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

My mind always drifts back to that fateful day in the gym. Those three little words changed everything. I remember my jaw falling open. I woulda coulda said it back if I wasn't to busy debating with myself in my mind. I knew I loved her I just wasn't ready to say it out loud.

_And this cant be saved if you cant be found_

_You hung up and left me for dead on the ground_

_You didn't even say goodbye_

_And this cant be saved if you cant be found_

_And this cant be saved_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

_I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you_

I knew in an instant where she had gone. She had made a comment about the far north balconies, but that part of the city had been damaged from the wraith attack. I ran out of the control room like I was on fire. When I reached her my heart hit the floor. There in front of me she was lying crumpled beneath a pillar. Though I finally found her she couldn't be saved. I rushed to her side but the life had already been crushed from her body.. With a loud body wrenching sob I finally said it out loud. "I love you Teyla." I coulda saved her, if I had only said those three words. When Carson, Rodney, Ronon , and Elizabeth found me I had her limp form clutched to my chest as I cried my silent tears.


End file.
